my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize