im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
