literally had 100 drinks last night.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
