dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
