In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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