Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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