Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
