I think my fart just growled at me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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