I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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