i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
