I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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