he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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