every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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