Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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