Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
