You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
