Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am full of burrito and curiosity
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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