Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
