I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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