yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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