You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
