You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
