it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
