I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
