I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm at about main and main street
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
