we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
