you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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