so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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