party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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