How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
