Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
