I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
