I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
