whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
