what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
