Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
