mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
