I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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