So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
