I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
