You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
