I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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