I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
