I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
