So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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