my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
