ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
