Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your penis caused this!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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