we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
