That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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