All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
