Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
