Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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