i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
