It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
