I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
