i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
