i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
