Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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