If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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