it hurts more in the daytime
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
