I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
