so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
