Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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