they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
