i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
