with your own penis?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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