I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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