I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
