You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
