Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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