now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
