I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
