im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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