ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
