they need to just BURY HIM!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
