A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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