dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was born a porn star she said
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
