my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I want to be your penis for a week.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
