If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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