OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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